


A weird Tale of Office Romance:

by DoctorGradusadParnassum (LittleSofie)



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Christmas Party, F/F, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, Office Romance, One Shot, Ridiculous plot in a bad romantic comedy kind of way, i don't really know what I'm doing here, lots of flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-08 16:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15934409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSofie/pseuds/DoctorGradusadParnassum
Summary: And so it began, everyday Katya would come to Trixie with a different pick-up line in the hopes of hearing her laugh. It was so much better than making Joslyn blush. Trixie loved it too, sometimes she would answer with an even cheesier line or weird pun. It was a welcomed distraction and it made her day better. It was their little game.





	A weird Tale of Office Romance:

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting on my computer for almost a year, and I didn't think I would actually post it. But I'm trying to put myself out there more so here we are. I checked it several times, but I'm at that stage where I know everything by heart so I kind of don't see errors anymore. If you do, please put it in the comments so I can correct it (also English is not my first language). 
> 
> There is a description of a panic attack, I have never been through one only researched about it, if I did something wrong please let me know. 
> 
> I've watched too many bad romantic comedies, I'm sorry.

When Trixie Mattel graduated, she was sure she was going to change the world, or America, or something. She thought she could do anything. Like every millennial that comes out of college, she thought she would make a difference in people’s lives, or at least become famous singing her music. Instead, here she was, five years later, under an unflattering artificial light sitting across from the company pervert, wondering if it’s acceptable to clock out two hours earlier on a friday. 

“It’s very simple, just stop harassing Joslyn.” She pleaded, getting annoyed with the clumsy way Katya sat at her chair and how she insistently tapped her finger on the table. That woman was fucking unable to stop moving. “Oh honey, you don’t even have a chance with her, she’s as straight as an arrow, she has a fiance. And he's a man.” Trixie stressed the last sentence for effect. She was trying to make Katya see reason, so she could get out of her office and Trixie could come back to miserably scrolling down her Facebook timeline. 

The thing is, to Katya that was the point. She didn’t want to go out with Joslyn, she had a weird laugh and long nails, not very vagina friendly. Definitely not Katya’s type, and that was exactly what made her perfect to flirt with. You see, flirting at the office helped make her life at work bearable. It gave her the confidence she needed to get through the day because it was something she felt very comfortable doing - as opposed to giving a presentation in front of RuPaul. It was her way of faking it till she made it. Coming up with her weird lines, Joslyn’s annoyed face and furious blush it all was a welcomed distraction from her own thoughts and it was a way to channel her seemingly infinite energy. It was probably not the best way to do it, but it worked. Katya didn’t want to go out with the girls she flirted with at work, that’s always a recipe for disaster. So she usually looked for the straightest woman she could find. Those were her target. However, Katya didn’t say any of that, Trixie wouldn’t understand. She just rolled her eyes, and muttered: “yeah, yeah…”

Trixie sighed, she didn’t get paid enough for this. “Look, Joslyn said she wasn’t going to file a complaint if you stopped. So stop.” She knew Katya’s flirting was harmless, it only consisted of some cheesy pickup lines and an excessive amount of winks and wiggling eyebrows, she actually thought it was cute and endearing. “find someone else to hit on, someone you actually have a shot with.” She paused. “Just please don’t cross the line, I just don’t want to have to deal with a sexual harassment complaint, those are a pain in the ass and you don’t want to deal with one either.” saying that made her feel like a shitty person and she instantly regretted it. 

After a long pause, that only made Trixie feel even more shittier, Katya said a bit bummed “Alright, I’ll stop hitting on Joslyn.“

In an effort to make Katya feel better she added: “There are a lot of cute queer women at the office, like…” Her first instinct was to mention herself, but she thought it would be a bit inappropriate. “Bianca!”

“Fucking Adore” 

“Adore the receptionist?” Katya nodded. Nice, thought Trixie, hi-fiving Bianca in her head. “What about Shea? She’s hot… Oh wait, she’s dating Sasha from the sixth floor, isn’t she?” Katya nodded again, giving her the same bored and annoyed face she had through the whole meeting which Trixie just disregarded. “Yeah, they’re cute. And what about Courtney? She told me she was bi…”

“Look Barbie, thanks for trying” Katya smiled at Trixie’s efforts. Trixie was a very eager ally, a very cute eager ally. And also, a very straight one. Katya thought as she examined her office, Trixie had transformed the blank and tasteless room into Barbie’s dream office. Everything was either a tone of pink or pastel, she had cute little pink pens with a fluffy top that made Katya smile. Hell, even her computer had a pink cover. Then she looked at Trixie, the embodiment of the Barbie that came with the dream office, pink phone included. Very straight indeed. Perfect. “I’ll be just fine, thanks Tracy” she smirked, got up, and left the room with an unexpected good mood. 

It’s worth mentioning that Katya Zamolodchikova is known for having a horrible gaydar, though she insists on denying it. 

Trixie frowned for a second, confused at her sudden change of humor. But then forgot all about it and went back to her facebook timeline to look at complicated recipes she would never make.

It started the next day.

Scene of the crime: The office kitchen.

Trixie was innocently refilling her cup of coffee at the counter as Katya crawled up behind her, standing a couple of feet away from her back (she was a weirdo but not a creep, there is a fine line friend). Before Trixie could realize someone was hovering over her, Katya asked with a low raspy voice “Girl, are you from Tennessee?” 

"What?" Trixie jumped confused and turned to face the voice.

“I asked, Girl, are you from Tennessee?” Katya repeated, barely capable of containing the grin that threatened to appear on her face provoked by her own stupid joke.

“No, I’m from Wisconsin. Why” She frowned trying to understand why Katya would think she was from that specific state, the only thing she could come up with was her taste for country music. 

“Cause you’re the only TEN I see,” Katya said wiggling her eyebrows and trying to imitate a southern accent to add drama.

"What?" Trixie frowned, but realization quickly dawned on her "Oh. So you're hitting on me now?"

Katya didn’t say anything, she just winked and wiggled her eyebrows. She was expecting the Barbie doll to blush furiously and get irritated with her, she knew she wasn’t going to get away with hitting on the RH manager for long. But she would absolutely enjoy it while it lasted. She was going to love seeing the barbie squirm. 

However, Trixie didn’t squirm, she laughed loudly (or rather, screamed) throwing her head back. “AAAAAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAAH” It was a very weird and particular sound that Katya Instantly fell in love with. “Next time try that one when there’s more than one person in the room.” Trixie winked at her before leaving the kitchen, coffee mug in hand. 

And so it began, everyday Katya would come to Trixie with a different pick-up line in the hopes of hearing her laugh. It was so much better than making Joslyn blush. Trixie loved it too, sometimes she would answer with an even cheesier line or weird pun. It was a welcomed distraction and it made her day better. It was their little game.

“Hey Trixie, did you sit in a pile of sugar?”

“No...” Trixie smiled, already anticipating a horrible pun.

"Cause you have a pretty sweet ass," Katya answered in a low voice.

Trixie giggled “That was horrible, where did you get that from?”

“Google” Katya grinned. “So, what have you got for me today?” She looked expectantly at Trixie.

“First, gimme a kiss on the cheek” 

Katya approached Trixie maybe getting her body a little closer to the woman than necessary and gave her a lingering kiss in her right cheek. As Trixie’s sweet lavender scent invaded her nose, she couldn’t help but imagine the woman taking a long relaxing bath and rubbing herself with those expensive lavender bath salts. It was even harder to keep out of her head she thought of herself rubbing Trixie’s naked back with bath salts. But her fantasies were soon interrupted by an unsuspecting Trixie. 

“I wasn’t talking about the one in my face.”

Katya gave her the throaty laugh and started jumping in the middle of the corridor, earning a scowl from Bianca who was passing by to go flirt with the receptionist. 

There was the time Katya almost got Trixie kicked out of a meeting by a very troubled Jinx who was just trying to give their presentation on innovative ideas to increase productivity at the office. Trixie was focused on not dozing off in the middle of the presentation, to her credit Jinx Monsoon did have a very hypnotic voice. Katya sat beside her with a very serious face discreetly approached her mouth to Trixie’s ear and whispered: “care for a fukin’?”. That was enough to make Trixie crack, she tried to camouflage her laugh as a cough but was unable to prevent a very disappointed Jinx to give the HR girl a sermon on behavior in group meetings. 

Sometimes it was Trixie who would come up to Katya with a weird joke she knew no one else would laugh at. Or maybe she simply would enjoy Katya’s laugh more. 

“Hey, Katya, what do gay horses eat?” She asked leaning against Katya’s desk.  
Katya looked up from her computer and took some time to process the question. “Uuhmm haaaaaaayyy, giiirl.” 

“No, Dicks” Katya wheezes reaching out to squeeze Trixie’s hands “Cause the're gay right?”. 

And so it went. They even made a little competition out of it, who got the other to laugh the most won. It was Katya who made up the competition but Trixie went with it because it made Katya smile, even though she thought it was lame. Some people in the office, to their annoyance, got involuntarily involved (mostly by Katya), once a very irritated Ginger had to decide which of them had the better pick up line, she decided to go with Trixie’s just to spite Katya. 

Here’s the catch: they had a very different notion of what was going on. 

Katya only saw it as playful, innocent, banter with her straight co-worker. Of course, she’d like to go out with Trixie as well, anyone would be lucky too, but she tried not to entertain the idea because she knew it wouldn’t go anywhere. She mostly failed at it. More often than not she caught herself thinking about how it would be nice to dive into Trixie's bouncy breasts while she was laughing. Or imagining what it would be like to wake up in the morning with her head rested in Trixie’s chest. Or caught herself wondering what type of nipple Trixie had. As you can see, Trixie’s breast featured a lot in her fantasies. Katya was a big boob kind of girl. 

And Trixie saw this as the weirdest flirting she had ever done in her life and she kind of liked it. Katya was hot and she would like very much to just go for it and ask her out (and when she was feeling really horny she wanted to just call Katya to her office and fuck her, which she never did because that would be completely inappropriate). But she was the HR manager and she knew it would not look pretty for her to indulge in an in-office relationship. Because being Trixie, she was already thinking about the messy break-up. She kept meaning to ask Katya out but was always too much of a coward to actually cross the line, deciding to wait for her. But Katya never made a move. 

And the only person in the office who knew what was really going on was Bianca Del Rio (she knows all), but Bianca was too entertained by this to do anything about it. She was going to leave the bitches to figure it out on their own. 

One day Trixie Mattel walked out of her office with a resolution, she was finally going to ask Katya on a date and end this weird long flirting phase. But as she approached her desk she saw Katya’s blanked face staring at some papers and paused furrowing her eyebrows, Katya hadn’t noticed her. Ginger, Alaska, Violet, and Bob (the drag queen) were excitedly talking and comparing each other's papers. Trixie quickly realized what was going on, Visage must have handed them the trimestral individual reports and Katya’s numbers were the lowest of all. Trixie had gone through them yesterday and remembered noticing it, her numbers had grew compared to the last trimester but not as much as the others. They all loved to do a little competition on it, compare the numbers. However, sometimes it could get a bit brutal. Trixie could see that by every word they animatedly said Katya shrunk more and more into her chair, and her hands clutched the report harder and harder, kneading it. 

“Katya.” Trixie called her name out of impulse “Come with me to my office, please.” 

That only made Katya feel worse. She felt out of breath, her hands started sweating. Her legs felt made out of jelly as she got up and walked with Trixie. 

“Please don’t fire me.” Katya blurted out as she sat across from Trixie. The quite spacious office seemed to be shrinking like it was going to crush her. She felt herself start to hyperventilate. No good thing could come out of getting called to the RH manager's office, and with her numbers and this economy, she assumed she was getting her ass fired. She was pretty sure of it. She couldn’t lose her job though, it was one of the only things she had going for her, losing it would be the start of a downward spiral. Katya was already picturing herself overdosing in a dark alley with no one to miss her. She was taken by a surge of panic. 

“What? No! You’re not getting fired.” Trixie responded, surprised. 

“What? No?” Katya felt a bit of relief wash over her, she took a deep breath trying to let her body know everything was going to be ok. She forcefully rubbed her hands on the hem of her problem pattern dress to dry them from the sweat. Her heart was still beating fast, she was still picturing herself in that dark alley. Her panic wasn’t gone, but at least she wasn’t out of a job. 

“Not at all.” Trixie asked, unaware of what was really going on in her colleague’s mind “I’m not gonna fire you, I called you here because I saw you were distraught over there with the girls and I thought you needed a quiet space to calm down.” Trixie smiled satisfied with her own good deed. Hoping to see a smile appear in her distraught friend’s features. 

“You cunt. Don’t do that like that!” Katya said quietly exasperated. She closed her eyes and took three more deep breaths. In 1 2, out 1 2 3 4. In 1 2, out 1 2 3 4. In 1 2 3, out 1 2 3 4 5 6. She tried to focus only on her breathing, on the path that the air made through her nose and into her lungs and back.

“What? Why?” Trixie asked quietly. She felt a spike of regret but didn’t know what she had done wrong. She replayed the scene in her mind trying to figure it out. Nothing. She looked and Katya and noticed the sweat accumulating on top of her furrowed eyebrows, her eyes forcefully shut and her hand constantly rubbing against her hideous dress. Katya took two more deep breaths. Trixie had fucked up. She waited quietly for Katya to respond, afraid of doing something wrong and just making it worse. 

“I’m sorry,” Katya said after a few minutes of calming down a bit more, thanking whatever higher power is out there for this not being one of the worse ones. She is getting better at this and the breathing technique she picked up on yoga was handy in getting her heart rate and her mind to slow down. “No, scratch that, I’m not sorry. You just… Don’t randomly call me to your office without explanation. I have anxiety bitch, I’m probably going to think the worst of it. And most certainly don’t do it after I get my reports.” Katya kept her eyes on Trixie’s, she saw the Barbie’s facial expression transform from confusion to remorse almost immediately. She could see that Trixie was only trying to help. “Thanks for trying.” She added, “Just don’t do it like that.” 

“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m such a stupid bitch.” Trixie apologized looking Katya in the eyes. She felt awful for being such a stupid idiot. Thinking she was going to be Katya’s savior, haha. That after she reassured Katya they would make out in her office. She would want to go further but Katya would stop because she wanted their first time to be special. And after dating for one year they would get married and adopt three kids. Stupid idiot. 

“It’s OK, I know you won’t do it again.” Katya let a reassuring small smile appear on her face and extended her hand to Trixie’s opened one on top of the desk. Her hand was soft and strong, she lightly stroked Katya’s with her thumb. A very inappropriate image of Trixie stroking another part of her body appeared like a flash on her mind. Shit, damn her stupid messy and horny brain. Katya retracted her hand immediately, maybe she wouldn’t have had she known a similar image was going through Trixie’s mind.

After an awkward silent moment, Trixie asked hoping to change the subject “Are you going to Karen’s Christmas party?”

“What Karen?” Katya was still trying to shake that image of her mind. 

“You know, Karen from finance. She throws a Christmas party every year.” 

“Oh, yeah. Sure, I love Christmas”. After another somewhat awkward pause, Katya started getting up to leave.

“Hey,” Trixie started with a soft tone, Katya sat back down and looked at her questioningly. “I don’t really know how anxiety works. But I want to be here for you. I mean, if you want me to, of course.” 

Katya smiled, she wasn’t very good at asking for help. Or accepting it. Maybe if she was, she wouldn’t have gone down the path she had when she was younger. “Thanks, Trixie. I want you to. Well, for starters never ask me to your office without an explanation...” 

After a long talk on anxiety 101, Katya’s heart felt warm at Trixie’s sincere attempt to understand how she could help. She even found herself talking about her past and her addiction that only RuPaul and Ginger knew of in the office. 

Of course, Katya showed up at the party with a Christmas themed problem pattern dress, it was hideous and Trixie would’ve hated it had it been worn by anybody else. The party was pretty much the same it was last year, everybody got a little drunk (except Katya, who was sober. Kim Chi, who just didn’t like to drink. And Joslyn who was secretly pregnant). Pearl, Violet, and Laganja snuck out to smoke a joint in the backyard. Bianca insulted everyone and no one got mad because she had helped them with something over the year. While also eyefucking Adore from across the room almost shamelessly, until Ginger yelled for them to get a room, which they did. RuPaul stayed for about half an hour, drank some expensive champagne Karen had bought just for her and then left with her husband. Michelle Visage, much like Bianca, made constructive criticism to some of the employees about their performance over the year, but everyone took it the wrong way and talked shit about her behind her back. Ginger, Kennedy, and Jasmine stayed in the corner reminiscing about the old days (that were not that long ago) and complaining about their younger colleagues.

Trixie had retired herself to the balcony, she had left from a conversation with Alyssa and Coco, it was too much passive aggressiveness for her to deal with. She was enjoying the mild cold of the LA winter trying not to think about her constant existential crises and dissatisfaction with her job. She was seriously considering going to the shrink like Katya had advised her to.

“No way you can escape me now, bitch” Katya showed up at the door with a devilish grin on her face and a mistletoe on her hand interrupting Trixie’s thoughts. She walked up to Trixie raising her hand and putting the mistletoe above their heads.

Trixie giggle “Oh, no! A mistletoe? What am I going to do?” she said over dramatically.

Katya knew Trixie was going to kiss her, but she was expecting a chasted quick peck by a blushing straight Trixie.

So when Trixie Mattel very slowly brought her hand to Katya’s neck, pulled Katya’s lips to hers and kissed her. Like, really kissed Katya. She was presently surprised, very surprised, and almost forgot to kiss Trixie back. She didn’t though, they kissed slowly and meaningfully and it felt like the kiss at the end of a Christmas chick flick. 

“Oh,” Katya said after they separated, her mouth slightly agape. Everything dawning on her. Trixie was actually flirting with her all that time. Man, was she an idiot. 

Trixie giggled “You’re so oblivious, Katya,” she said fondly, caressing Katya’s cheek with her thumb. She had recently realized Katya had been thinking she was straight all along. Bianca had taken pity on them. 

A stupid grin crept up on Katya’s face, “Well, not anymore, bitch” She took Trixie by the waist and pressed their bodies together, giving Trixie butterfly kisses on the face and making her giggle. 

Not anymore.

To the whole office’s annoyance, they did not stop the loud and obnoxious flirting if anything it got worse with the constant PDA.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you've enjoyed :)


End file.
